Looking down…

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Now, I’m about six feet tall and, as a girl, am generally taller than 95% of the women in the room (here in Hawaii? Include men also…). I’m used to it, I don’t personally see myself as tall but there are not many things I can put on and say, “Oh, that’s way to big.” Gone are the days of being able to wear Daddy’s big shirt to bed. Gone also are the days of thinking it was cool when you grew another size *wince*. There’s something innocent about those days, when it was okay not to know everything and to not be strong enough.

To understand this part you must know my family. I have three brothers, two older one younger, all of whom are taller then me. As for their feet, well not even close. One friend recently commented, “Ho, brah! Who wear da canoes?” So, the other day I was waiting for my family to go somewhere and noticed by older brother’s “canoes” lying there and jokingly slipped my feet into them.  Looking down a feeling of nostalgia came over me.  My feet looked small, like a child’s and something in me wished it were true.  Even though my feet are a size 10, just the image of them being small had a bigger impact than I had expected.  The image was one of a child playing in her Daddy’s shoes, complete trust and innocence.  She didn’t have to be strong enough because her Daddy was.  Something about putting on big shoes brings out the child in us.  You see it when we skip jokingly through the isles of the shoe department or laugh hysterically when switching shoes with somebody.  The image of being small, of someone being bigger than you.  Sometimes we forget we’re small, we forget somebody’s bigger than us, somebody who cares and is strong enough.  The pressure to be in-control and to be strong is incredible but the most relief comes when we slip on big shoes and trust somebody else.  When I looked down there was such a longing to go back to that place, that child in me who wanted to giggle and play dress-up, never dreaming it was harder than just picking an outfit.  I can’t go back but I can be reminded.  It’s amazing what happens to that unbearable load when you look at yourself as small, a child playing with her Daddy’s shoes.

So, when it’s to much to bear, go slip on some big shoes (slippahs work the best) and look down.

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Filed under Hawai'i, thoughts, writings

Tags: children, flip flops, innocence, slippers